I've never been in an abusive relationship so I really can't say I understand it. You know they say experience is the best teacher and you can't really understand what someone is going through or has been through except you are or have been in their shoes.
I don't understand abuse at all but I try to make sense of it.
I know someone who's in an abusive relationship. Her husband beat her up so bad recently (in public) that I had to call my dad to come intervene. He was hitting her with everything he could find. I couldn't believe what I was watching.
She left his house that day, but about a week later she was back with him. And now, everytime I look at her, I ask myself; why did she come back? Why is she still with him? How do women forgive battery so easily? I wasn't the one battered but everytime I see him, I can't even open my mouth to greet him. I avoid him so much now you'd think he's the devil himself.
But she obviously forgave him. I understand forgiveness but why go back? Especially when he's done it over and over and over again.
No woman enjoys being beat up (except she's sick in the head) so that can't be it. So why do women stay in abusive relationships?
I've been talking to a lot of people about this and a particular writer sent this to me via email...as some of the reasons why women stay in abusive relationships.
1. SURVIVAL: Fear about her own and her children’s safety if she leaves.
2. ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE: Can she survive on one income?
3. FEAR: Of being alone, fear that she cannot cope with home and children by herself.
4. PARENTING: Wanting a father for the children.
5. RELIGION: Pressure to keep the family together.
6. FAMILY: Extended family pressure to keep the family together.
7. LOYALTY: If he had cancer, she’d stick by him.
8. RESCUE: If she stays, she can “save” him and help him “get better.”
9. FEAR OF HIS SUICIDE: He says he’ll kill himself if she leaves.
10. DENIAL: “It’s really not so bad.”
11. LOVE: She loves him, and he is quite often loving and lovable when he’s not being abusive.
12. IDENTITY: Many women feel that they need a man in order to be complete.
13. SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: She doesn’t want anyone to know.
14. LOW SELF-ESTEEM: After years of being criticized by her abuser, she believes that it must be her fault, she must deserve it, she’ll never find anyone better, “a little love is better than no love at all.”
15 SEX ROLE: “That’s just the way men are.”
2. ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE: Can she survive on one income?
3. FEAR: Of being alone, fear that she cannot cope with home and children by herself.
4. PARENTING: Wanting a father for the children.
5. RELIGION: Pressure to keep the family together.
6. FAMILY: Extended family pressure to keep the family together.
7. LOYALTY: If he had cancer, she’d stick by him.
8. RESCUE: If she stays, she can “save” him and help him “get better.”
9. FEAR OF HIS SUICIDE: He says he’ll kill himself if she leaves.
10. DENIAL: “It’s really not so bad.”
11. LOVE: She loves him, and he is quite often loving and lovable when he’s not being abusive.
12. IDENTITY: Many women feel that they need a man in order to be complete.
13. SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: She doesn’t want anyone to know.
14. LOW SELF-ESTEEM: After years of being criticized by her abuser, she believes that it must be her fault, she must deserve it, she’ll never find anyone better, “a little love is better than no love at all.”
15 SEX ROLE: “That’s just the way men are.”
What do you guys think? Do you agree with some of these reasons? Why do women tolerate abuse? For those who leave, where do they find the courage? But most important for me is; why do batterers assume they have the right to abuse?
Very intense subject huh?
Let's lighten things up a bit with pictures from new artiste, Mawobe's Video Shoot
Enjoy...
Lexzy Doo in the house
Pix thanks to Mordi Mod!
Let's know what you think about abuse and why women stay.
Cheers.
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